Venu and Seema
Seema enjoying the speeding bike and wind blowing on her face and hair flying as if she is acting in a movie, her pillion raiding is comfortable clutching her husband thigh in the front and pressing her youthful front on his back.Venu seems pleased and happy and I know Venu is always happy when driving and I sitting and pressing against him.If my thoughts waver and naturally my grip becoming loose , he would remind me partly to caution me and partly to get reassured he is clutched with grip - a sort of enjoyment for him always.
He is proud of his wife's beauty, complexion and style although I know he is dark, big and bulky , may be this is the reason why he always feels happy going out with me in bike and if another couple stare at us, he is happy thinking we are a good pair a sort of reassurance for him.
Venu asked me ' Hey , what are you thinking' may be my grip is losing due to my thinking about my past when i was a student in a college.
Seema's mind was travelling back and forth back to college days forth to the present travelling.
When I was in college, like thousands of girls, I had also a dream of my would be prince .I had a vision of a young,tall,and better complexioned , if not like me , at least a complexion coming near my imagination.This dream was lingering in my mind till the fateful day when my mother happened to take away a letter from one of my books ........ that is a love letter .
My mother looked at me without asking a question , I was ready to answer.But everything misfired, she never asked , neither I felt like telling.
The tragedy is , that letter was written to my friend by her boy friend giving a proposal to her which in turn she gave to me asking me my idea.
Life is unpredictable , so at the particular day when my mum came for cleaning and arranging the books , that fell down and mother saw the letter.
From next day onwards marriage broker came and exchanged photos and horoscopes and one day my father called me.
'Seema , see the photo of this boy, name venu,engineer, good position, propertied'
I did not say anything , things gained speed and marriage was over .My prince in the dream slowly vanished from my memory like a water colour painting shown in the rain.Only wet paper remained like me.
Suddenly bike stopped.
'what happened' I asked
'Nothing, I will make it alright'
I happened to look around........ surprise the college I studied , opposite that our bike stopped.All girls in colourful dress with their colourful dreams walking with usual glee and chit chat.
I felt as if everyone is looking at us.No they are in their own world.
I am adjusting to my world.
Venu asked me ' Shall we go?'
Yeah' I said.
He is intense .
We are exploring every night each other he in me , and I in him.
I think life will go on like thousands and thousands of couple.
Love is the intensity of feeling at the same level by two people at the same time , where as marriage is a convenience adjusting each other.I am right or no , I dont know.
I am reminded of a poem read somewhere:
A wind that
Searched for life
Pushed me from behind
And escaped
Not showing its face.
We humans like dried leaves thrown around by the wind creating a graphic of its own and at one point of time we realise we cant do anything of our own except being the instruments in the hands of powers not known to us.
Somehow we will be fine while I am burying my dreams, going to him like a twiner around a pole and he burying in the cave.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
Mother
Mother - a story
Rohini is pregnant a few months and could feel so. Is child birth going to be painful although pleasurable to know a newborn is going to come and live with us .The child is born out of my own blood and flesh. How wonderful is the feeling of having a child !! .It is a wonderful feeling and mystery to see one's own as a full entity going to be seen by me.I could feel something mysterious and immeasurable playing a role in every creation in this world and mother is the first previleged one to understand in her own limited capacity.
Something always immediate to us which we don't really comprehend all these years is rubbing us to make us perceive that 'something'.
No one neglects anything which he or judges to be good, except with the hope of gaining a greater one.
'Rohini' my husband called.
'Yes'
How do you feel?
'I am ok' although I know I am tired owing to general debility.
He came to me and hugged and kissed in the head,put his hand on my hip and rubbed my stomach and pressed my back and could understand his affection and love.
He was laying with me in bed for few minutes and said ' bye , I am going our office"
'ok'
Bye see you in the afternoon'
I could hear the sound of the door locked from outside the house , since I could not go and lock.The car was started and going away.I was laying in the bed thinking of the sequences happening since marriage and how expected this moment of child bearing and new arrival.Hmmm six years passed.
No kid came to share the family and make a fulfillment in our house.Only now............. Ravi feels happy , knowing he is going to get a son .
Six years of a marriage without a child is traumatic in anybody's life and disillusionment of reality wich if pursued would lead to untoward consequences.Human instinct is forced to survive owing to the circumstances one is in,and so in such a brief time,one in his or her feeble moment is inexplicably forced to give a go by the morals which we othewise normally accept.
But our awakened memory would disturb our mind for having taken certain steps for survival--which is the tragedy gnawing at our conscience.
I went out of the house to see whether the compound gate was closed by our maid; yes closed and on coming back my house voluntarily , however best I avoided,went to see the garage of our car where Mathew , our driver lived.
Having come to know I am pregnant , I asked my husband, for survival and maintaining the dignity and status, I said to my husband Ravi to send off the driver since we two know driving, why a driver separately.
What to do ........... life is with many hidden things burried down deep.......... and everyone is to survive.
Ravi said 'ok , I will fix him somewhere in the office, poor chap'
Now problem is I feel guilty and this guilty feeling is really killing me mentally.One option being terminating the pregnancy and continue living without remorse. If wanting to keep Ravi happy and the family as full entity,I have to beget the baby. Am I guilty of having the baby the way i selected?.
I dont know.
But Ravi's happiness is more important.......... What to do........terminating or seeing the face of the baby and living the family life of our own.Let Nature decide.Nature is the greatest living force .
Nature will not kill anyone I am sure.
Rohini is pregnant a few months and could feel so. Is child birth going to be painful although pleasurable to know a newborn is going to come and live with us .The child is born out of my own blood and flesh. How wonderful is the feeling of having a child !! .It is a wonderful feeling and mystery to see one's own as a full entity going to be seen by me.I could feel something mysterious and immeasurable playing a role in every creation in this world and mother is the first previleged one to understand in her own limited capacity.
Something always immediate to us which we don't really comprehend all these years is rubbing us to make us perceive that 'something'.
No one neglects anything which he or judges to be good, except with the hope of gaining a greater one.
'Rohini' my husband called.
'Yes'
How do you feel?
'I am ok' although I know I am tired owing to general debility.
He came to me and hugged and kissed in the head,put his hand on my hip and rubbed my stomach and pressed my back and could understand his affection and love.
He was laying with me in bed for few minutes and said ' bye , I am going our office"
'ok'
Bye see you in the afternoon'
I could hear the sound of the door locked from outside the house , since I could not go and lock.The car was started and going away.I was laying in the bed thinking of the sequences happening since marriage and how expected this moment of child bearing and new arrival.Hmmm six years passed.
No kid came to share the family and make a fulfillment in our house.Only now............. Ravi feels happy , knowing he is going to get a son .
Six years of a marriage without a child is traumatic in anybody's life and disillusionment of reality wich if pursued would lead to untoward consequences.Human instinct is forced to survive owing to the circumstances one is in,and so in such a brief time,one in his or her feeble moment is inexplicably forced to give a go by the morals which we othewise normally accept.
But our awakened memory would disturb our mind for having taken certain steps for survival--which is the tragedy gnawing at our conscience.
I went out of the house to see whether the compound gate was closed by our maid; yes closed and on coming back my house voluntarily , however best I avoided,went to see the garage of our car where Mathew , our driver lived.
Having come to know I am pregnant , I asked my husband, for survival and maintaining the dignity and status, I said to my husband Ravi to send off the driver since we two know driving, why a driver separately.
What to do ........... life is with many hidden things burried down deep.......... and everyone is to survive.
Ravi said 'ok , I will fix him somewhere in the office, poor chap'
Now problem is I feel guilty and this guilty feeling is really killing me mentally.One option being terminating the pregnancy and continue living without remorse. If wanting to keep Ravi happy and the family as full entity,I have to beget the baby. Am I guilty of having the baby the way i selected?.
I dont know.
But Ravi's happiness is more important.......... What to do........terminating or seeing the face of the baby and living the family life of our own.Let Nature decide.Nature is the greatest living force .
Nature will not kill anyone I am sure.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
My mother and me / a story
Class attendance was taken and one by one said yes and when the name came to Babu Saraswathy teacher looked up to the place where babu usually sat and did not call again .She knew he could not come on time ,his mother was admitted in Government Hospital and he would be there attending his mother since no one there in his family to look after her .He and mother only and father passed away one day when he was pulling his cart with load and a speeding lorry hit him and he passed away in a pool of blood - whatever the quantity he had in his body.
Babu sitting in Hospital beside his mother and his mother's eyes looking at him passionately.Nurse brought gruel of rice to the patient asking babu whether he would manage giving it to mother.
"yes sister, I will give..but she is not able to take anything '
Don't worry Babu, try to give as much as possible, we are managing with infusion also'
'Sister, she is not able to talk to me'
She is weak Babu, you see, she will talk to you tomorrow'
'o.k.sister'
Mother showed her hand below her pillo and he knew she meant money to be taken by me to eat for lunch.I don't use the money for my lunch , I know I need money for her other needs , so I come back by evening after school and take the remnant of the rice gruel and I don't take anything else in school or anywhere .I manage with water from school and no one knew I am hungry in school.
I said to mother ' I am going to school'
Mother , I know cant speak since she is week.I could read her eyes , she is saying yes and again showing her fingers below her pillow.I knew what she conveyed ,but said no .I said I had enough to maintain.
I started running to school through the by lanes ,I know going through the main road would take more time , and by the time I reach would be lunch time.Despite my hungry I could run fast so I reached school by 11.30.
I stood out side the class room.Saraswthy teacher asked me to come in and called me near her and asked in whispering tone 'How is your mom'
'she is weak not able to speak.sister said she would talk to me tomorrow and they give treatment.'
Night where do you stay?'
' I lie down on the floor'
'food'
'My mom not able to take complete, I say I already taken,I would take the remnant of the food after she closed her eyes'
'Go and sit down Babu'
Interval came and when all the classmates went to open their food packets I went to a corner near a tree and sat down , started reading my lesions.I must study well so I will pass in three years time my school final , if possible by doing part time job I will study further.
I must help my mother , when she comes out of the hospital I will ask her not to go for work[ she goes for house work like cleaning the kitchen vessels and mopping the floor in three houses and comes back by evening 7 o' clock.She brings home the old and remnant food given by the owners of the house which my mom and I take .That is only only meal we take a day.If there is anything remaining she would give for me in the morning.Money is used for paying the rent to our hut and some essentials.
School bell ringing , now 4o'clock
If start running by the by lanes I could reach the hospital in one hour , for I have to run fast without stopping , no slowing down.
While running I saw a small shop where near the cash counter they keep many things in the jars, like toffes , pickles,lolly pops and salted and soaked amla fruits.I stopped running and went into the shop.
This amla he can give to mother so that she will take more gruel and can bit amla in between.Her mouth has become tasteless , she is very week.sure one day I will become someone and take care of my mother well.
Now I saw a temple, near the shop , very small roadside Vignesh temple.I stood there ..........I don't know how to pray.
I stood before Lord Vigneshwara and prayed as follows
My Vignesh ,I have a friend in your name in my class.
When he knows as a friend about me and my mom
You must also be knowing my mom
She is poor and I am poor
Pl help to raise up from the bed
Let her take rest
I will do part time while studying
Swami, sorry , I have to run.
i will come back.
Thanks.
Then he started running and reached Hospital , running inside the ward.
Bed number 101.
Bed is covered on four sides with screen......... must be giving some treatment
I neared the bed lifting the screen
Sister was closing my mother head to foot with a white sheet.
My mom..............
Babu sitting in Hospital beside his mother and his mother's eyes looking at him passionately.Nurse brought gruel of rice to the patient asking babu whether he would manage giving it to mother.
"yes sister, I will give..but she is not able to take anything '
Don't worry Babu, try to give as much as possible, we are managing with infusion also'
'Sister, she is not able to talk to me'
She is weak Babu, you see, she will talk to you tomorrow'
'o.k.sister'
Mother showed her hand below her pillo and he knew she meant money to be taken by me to eat for lunch.I don't use the money for my lunch , I know I need money for her other needs , so I come back by evening after school and take the remnant of the rice gruel and I don't take anything else in school or anywhere .I manage with water from school and no one knew I am hungry in school.
I said to mother ' I am going to school'
Mother , I know cant speak since she is week.I could read her eyes , she is saying yes and again showing her fingers below her pillow.I knew what she conveyed ,but said no .I said I had enough to maintain.
I started running to school through the by lanes ,I know going through the main road would take more time , and by the time I reach would be lunch time.Despite my hungry I could run fast so I reached school by 11.30.
I stood out side the class room.Saraswthy teacher asked me to come in and called me near her and asked in whispering tone 'How is your mom'
'she is weak not able to speak.sister said she would talk to me tomorrow and they give treatment.'
Night where do you stay?'
' I lie down on the floor'
'food'
'My mom not able to take complete, I say I already taken,I would take the remnant of the food after she closed her eyes'
'Go and sit down Babu'
Interval came and when all the classmates went to open their food packets I went to a corner near a tree and sat down , started reading my lesions.I must study well so I will pass in three years time my school final , if possible by doing part time job I will study further.
I must help my mother , when she comes out of the hospital I will ask her not to go for work[ she goes for house work like cleaning the kitchen vessels and mopping the floor in three houses and comes back by evening 7 o' clock.She brings home the old and remnant food given by the owners of the house which my mom and I take .That is only only meal we take a day.If there is anything remaining she would give for me in the morning.Money is used for paying the rent to our hut and some essentials.
School bell ringing , now 4o'clock
If start running by the by lanes I could reach the hospital in one hour , for I have to run fast without stopping , no slowing down.
While running I saw a small shop where near the cash counter they keep many things in the jars, like toffes , pickles,lolly pops and salted and soaked amla fruits.I stopped running and went into the shop.
This amla he can give to mother so that she will take more gruel and can bit amla in between.Her mouth has become tasteless , she is very week.sure one day I will become someone and take care of my mother well.
Now I saw a temple, near the shop , very small roadside Vignesh temple.I stood there ..........I don't know how to pray.
I stood before Lord Vigneshwara and prayed as follows
My Vignesh ,I have a friend in your name in my class.
When he knows as a friend about me and my mom
You must also be knowing my mom
She is poor and I am poor
Pl help to raise up from the bed
Let her take rest
I will do part time while studying
Swami, sorry , I have to run.
i will come back.
Thanks.
Then he started running and reached Hospital , running inside the ward.
Bed number 101.
Bed is covered on four sides with screen......... must be giving some treatment
I neared the bed lifting the screen
Sister was closing my mother head to foot with a white sheet.
My mom..............
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Shiv and me / our separation
Shiv and Mythili sitting in a restaurant of some quality facing the sea and breeze coming through the windows not violently but gently like the characters of those sitting.,facing each other Shiv facing Mythili and she facing the sea.
Her mind tossing like sea waves although deep down she is calm having all the memories since both met first time in the same restaurant.Have they come full circle in their life together when she is hardly 30 and he 34.
Down memory lane ,first she met him in an art gallery depicting one of her master's drawing in black and white and canvas painting as well.She being a volunteer for her master, explaining the drawing to all the visitors who were curious to know , some deep , some first time saundered into the gallery just to know what it was.
"Excuse me '
This voice made her turn around to look at an young man around 5'9 or 5'10 in height and around 28 of age.
' could you please tell me the something about the drawing there, showing a girl standing at the bank of a river?'
'sure'
'it is just plain or some......... depiction inner meaning '
'sir, pl see the caption ....... timeless river...'
'yeah right madam,...may I interrupt before you explain'
'it is ok , pl'
'does it mean ..river is life .... and she thinks before crossing it'
'in a way right ...but shall i proceed'
'yes pl madam'
'physical river as such is time bound .... owing to seasons'
'right'
'it is not a question of crossing ,but stepping into it.
ok
she would step into it
ok
and again come to the bank
yes
again step into the river to travel..... since it is inevitable
ok
she might think into the river so many times
oh
but not so....... no one can step into the river twice or thrice
Painter means this river is of eternity
oh great
and she is young girl ..... going to enter the timeless river...that is why the caption
Oh !!!!!!!! great
Then that young man said bye and went away to look into other drawings.
The exhibition was about to close and when time was up for leaving , she had seen that young man looking at a drawing and taking a snap of the drawing at one corner with his Digital camera.She waited for few minutes and went to him saying 'excuse me'
yes madam
sorry ,,, time to close sir
oh sorry thank you
you can come tomarrow also sir
no madam, I am in a hurry leaving for out station tomarrow morning
oh
yes madam , anyway thank you for your explaing and I am shiv
Thank you sir I am Mythili
Are you a painter
Yes
Great to have met you .I am a writer in an English daily covering Kerala for Art and crafts.... and I do free lancing also
Nice meeting you sir.......would we get a chance in your writing and get published in your paper
sure but I have to meet your master for about ten minutes
I will introduce him to you sir even right now
ok thank you madam.
We talked with the Master and went for the same restaurant where we sit now , even if i remember correct the same table, me facing the sea , shiv opposite to me and master facing us , I on the left , he on his right.
And he gave his business card and got the master's card got my phone number also , telling he would send a copy of the News Paper when the article got published.
After a week's time , my master-teacher got a courier containing the news paper with the article and the article was concise,lucid and explanatory , and he even used the exact words I used when I explained the painting.I was happy and something inside deep down wanting me to see him again. I was wondering what kind of feeling it was making you to try or want to see someone .....
In a few days time, he called me
' Hello.I am shiv madam, I met in your teacher's art gallery'
'Yes sir , I know ...hm I have seen your article sir in my teacher's home'
Right madam, to tell you that only I have called you .....I will send you a copy also..but I dont have ur address.....shall I send it to your teacher ?
No I will give my address,pl note down '
Madam are you employed?
yes sir, working as Assistant Manager in a Bank
Oh then , art?
I do paint and that master is my teacher .
Good madam,can I see a few painting of you
oh sure, when u come next time to this place we will meet and show you a few of my paintings
good madam, bye for now .nice meeting you
ok bye.
My heart's palpitation incresed ...why so , it never happened like this in my life although many men I met officially in my bank as Assitant Manager.Then I went into my kitchen to prepare night dinner.
Chapter 2
My bank being one of the Nationlised Bank , I go into my cabin and start doing the work , overseeing any problem at the counter which normally does not happen becaue the system is very perfect and employees are emperienced who know their work and know how to handle customers with courtesy and young recruits are few . Even if there is any problem or query which the younger ones not able to answer , the seniors in the nearby counter guide them , many of the seniors who continued as clerks despite the qualifications and experience. Many of them not accepting the promotions since their sons and daughters are either nearing school final or in college, if once promotion is accepted they would be transferred to far away places and they dont want to disturb either the kids' education or family convenience at one place.
The telephone is ringing........
Hello
Mythili?
Yes , speaking ...oh teacher pl tell me I never expected a call to my office , so took few seconds to know your voice.sorry teacher tell me
Mythili ,Shiv called me and told me he is coming down next week and he asked me to inform you , so this call.How is work child?
No problem teacher, I will meet you evening in your home.How is Amma?
She is fine .Thank you.I will ask her to prepare something for you for evening snacks.
No teacher dont disturb, i will bring something on the way
No , no it is a pleasure for us old couple to invite you and chit chat.
Ok thanks teacher . See you evening.Bye
Bye God bless.
Oh! shiv is coming next week and have to select some black and white pencil drawing for him to show , night I will select some tree drawings and landscape which I did when I went to Munnaar with my dad and mum last time .
A week passed and one wednesday my teacher said ,Shiv is coming and asked me to come to his home and would have dinner together.
Wednesday arrived and mornign I was a bit tense and unnaturally I stood few minutes before my cupboard and selected my saree and matching blouse , even seemed odd on my part to behave like that.But anyway I consoled this was natural to behave like the way I did for the age group I am in , despite my learning over a broad spectrum of books ranging from Novels,Essays,Philosophy, Religion,spiritualism; but balance is a bit lost if anything personal happening although we are strong when counselling happens to others.Even my father does not attend Surgeories for our relatives.........oh I have forgotten to tell , my father is a General surgeon attached to a big corporate hospital in my city .All the books of various disciplines made me study what I read in my life.My dad is a voracious reader and a writer also although he writes in pseuo name.
When I entered the bank my routine work and administration took my time and my mind never deviated but when the clock showed 5 I became nervous a bit , although I leave around 7 or 8 o' clock my branch, I told my chief manager that I had to go for my personal work and he said ok.
On entering the house I said "good evening sir to my teacher'
Seen already Shiv sitting there and I said ' Hello'
Good eve, madam
Shiv,have you taken coffee or tea
Yes of course, Amma gave me good tea and snacks.
Amma came to the hall and invited me inside to take tea and snacks.
Excuse me sir, I be back in a minute'
I gave the drawings to the master and asked him to show to shiv , master smiled and said 'yes sure '
After the refreshment I came back ,sat before Shiv , shiv was seeing the drawing.
He said ' trees and landscapes'
Meanwhile teacher went inside to talk with Amma for night dinner and arrangements.
Yes trees etc I had drawn When I went to Munnaar
Good it is Mythili .Is it easy to draw trees ?
' yes and no..... because ' I stopped
Why? I dont know drawing Mythili'
'Oh, well trees or anything we look at it three diamentional , we can either go to a place to select a tree or seeing a picture we can draw and some draw out of imagination'
'ok'
'in case we select a tree , the tree has to be balanced'
'balanced?'
yes when you see a tree some branches are going in the right , left, behind, and some coming towards you, because once you select a unbalanced one symmetry would be distorted and the completeness may be a lacuna'
'yes'
'and some branched going upwards and swaying when seen from your angle'
right
'and again the sunlight on tree will be bright on some portion, light on some area and shadow .... likewise shadow below the tree'
My God ,photography seems easy'
'photography is also tough, only professional knows how tough it is'
well May be right'
'So even further deep you want to go you must visit, if you have chance , when spring comes, so you are able to look at the tree like a Doc sees the X-ray'
'Oh you are very deep in it Mythili'
Although I never show emotions out , I could make out I blushed a litte which he noticed and happy about it also.
Teacher came back and preferred to sit in the garden , teacher explained how I came into literature and arts although my father was a surgeon and I being the only daughter of the family.Shiv asked me why I did not take up to medicine, I said I had the independance to select what I was interested and my background of having studied so many books and access to my dad's libraray , may be that made an inclination towards literature .
Shiv said he finished his post graduation in English in Chennai and went to Jawaharlal Nehru University in Delhi to do journalism and went into news paper , and after intial training came into covering arts and pintings for his paper , may be after few more months , he might go to someother assignment in the same News paper.
After dinner he was about to leave he said he was leaving to Mangalore for official duty and would keep in touch.
Chapter 3
Now sitting in this restaurant where we met first time , the circle is to be completed... a tragedy or fate or incompatibility.
Does incompatibility come between husband and wife if both are educated and intelligent? Instead of thinking in a braod way why we start or he starts or I start thinking that this relationship is coming to an end.Now what he would be thinking in his mind....... I am haughty or egoistic or nose in the air type......... what ..what went wrong between us.Certainly money not a problem, I know since I earn enough, he also earning enough besides being a daughter , only daughter who inherits hell a lot of property.... then why?
I remember once we went to Thirupathy by train and stayed there.The environment was clean , fresh air and aloofness.He was clicking his camera outside the temple in various locations, I talked with him and immersed in my books when found time.
But he is not someone who wants to go out since his job involved him to going to places , various places in India.I needed an outing since my routine being bank and home and not of many friends except a few who are of my type , bookish and decent , not talking nonsense.
So whenever holidays come, he was preferring being in home and I did not have a choice although we could have anywhere in the world for the money we had.But never ever went out freely and he never thought it was tiresome for a wife who would always go for work, cook,and talk.
Was it my depression owing to my confinement inside the house which might have made me react that would have harmed him mentally?
First I thought this is so with all the married girls but I knew many couples and my friends who go out to many places and enjoy life if not for enjoyment , at least for relaxation .
What use the money has , if the life is not well lived with minimum things? It is a different story if we are poor and not able to spend since always making both ends meet is a problem.
Then what went wrong ,..... love making .......no I know and he knows.what else would have been the reason that pushed us to this corner of separation.
He discussed with me yesterday that by living together both of us making problem for ourselves, so better to separate, although shocking to me intially , when practically approached ,seemed correct.
Now today the last meeting , so we came out to the same restaurant where we met first time.
I looked the sky through the windows ..... stars, moon and far away meteors .Do they know my mind?
'Mythili, shall we leave?'
ok,
Do you have any hard feelings about our separation .... I think enough time we have given to think over this and now come to the conclusion?
Yes
Nothing is permanent in this world except impermanance.
Her mind tossing like sea waves although deep down she is calm having all the memories since both met first time in the same restaurant.Have they come full circle in their life together when she is hardly 30 and he 34.
Down memory lane ,first she met him in an art gallery depicting one of her master's drawing in black and white and canvas painting as well.She being a volunteer for her master, explaining the drawing to all the visitors who were curious to know , some deep , some first time saundered into the gallery just to know what it was.
"Excuse me '
This voice made her turn around to look at an young man around 5'9 or 5'10 in height and around 28 of age.
' could you please tell me the something about the drawing there, showing a girl standing at the bank of a river?'
'sure'
'it is just plain or some......... depiction inner meaning '
'sir, pl see the caption ....... timeless river...'
'yeah right madam,...may I interrupt before you explain'
'it is ok , pl'
'does it mean ..river is life .... and she thinks before crossing it'
'in a way right ...but shall i proceed'
'yes pl madam'
'physical river as such is time bound .... owing to seasons'
'right'
'it is not a question of crossing ,but stepping into it.
ok
she would step into it
ok
and again come to the bank
yes
again step into the river to travel..... since it is inevitable
ok
she might think into the river so many times
oh
but not so....... no one can step into the river twice or thrice
Painter means this river is of eternity
oh great
and she is young girl ..... going to enter the timeless river...that is why the caption
Oh !!!!!!!! great
Then that young man said bye and went away to look into other drawings.
The exhibition was about to close and when time was up for leaving , she had seen that young man looking at a drawing and taking a snap of the drawing at one corner with his Digital camera.She waited for few minutes and went to him saying 'excuse me'
yes madam
sorry ,,, time to close sir
oh sorry thank you
you can come tomarrow also sir
no madam, I am in a hurry leaving for out station tomarrow morning
oh
yes madam , anyway thank you for your explaing and I am shiv
Thank you sir I am Mythili
Are you a painter
Yes
Great to have met you .I am a writer in an English daily covering Kerala for Art and crafts.... and I do free lancing also
Nice meeting you sir.......would we get a chance in your writing and get published in your paper
sure but I have to meet your master for about ten minutes
I will introduce him to you sir even right now
ok thank you madam.
We talked with the Master and went for the same restaurant where we sit now , even if i remember correct the same table, me facing the sea , shiv opposite to me and master facing us , I on the left , he on his right.
And he gave his business card and got the master's card got my phone number also , telling he would send a copy of the News Paper when the article got published.
After a week's time , my master-teacher got a courier containing the news paper with the article and the article was concise,lucid and explanatory , and he even used the exact words I used when I explained the painting.I was happy and something inside deep down wanting me to see him again. I was wondering what kind of feeling it was making you to try or want to see someone .....
In a few days time, he called me
' Hello.I am shiv madam, I met in your teacher's art gallery'
'Yes sir , I know ...hm I have seen your article sir in my teacher's home'
Right madam, to tell you that only I have called you .....I will send you a copy also..but I dont have ur address.....shall I send it to your teacher ?
No I will give my address,pl note down '
Madam are you employed?
yes sir, working as Assistant Manager in a Bank
Oh then , art?
I do paint and that master is my teacher .
Good madam,can I see a few painting of you
oh sure, when u come next time to this place we will meet and show you a few of my paintings
good madam, bye for now .nice meeting you
ok bye.
My heart's palpitation incresed ...why so , it never happened like this in my life although many men I met officially in my bank as Assitant Manager.Then I went into my kitchen to prepare night dinner.
Chapter 2
My bank being one of the Nationlised Bank , I go into my cabin and start doing the work , overseeing any problem at the counter which normally does not happen becaue the system is very perfect and employees are emperienced who know their work and know how to handle customers with courtesy and young recruits are few . Even if there is any problem or query which the younger ones not able to answer , the seniors in the nearby counter guide them , many of the seniors who continued as clerks despite the qualifications and experience. Many of them not accepting the promotions since their sons and daughters are either nearing school final or in college, if once promotion is accepted they would be transferred to far away places and they dont want to disturb either the kids' education or family convenience at one place.
The telephone is ringing........
Hello
Mythili?
Yes , speaking ...oh teacher pl tell me I never expected a call to my office , so took few seconds to know your voice.sorry teacher tell me
Mythili ,Shiv called me and told me he is coming down next week and he asked me to inform you , so this call.How is work child?
No problem teacher, I will meet you evening in your home.How is Amma?
She is fine .Thank you.I will ask her to prepare something for you for evening snacks.
No teacher dont disturb, i will bring something on the way
No , no it is a pleasure for us old couple to invite you and chit chat.
Ok thanks teacher . See you evening.Bye
Bye God bless.
Oh! shiv is coming next week and have to select some black and white pencil drawing for him to show , night I will select some tree drawings and landscape which I did when I went to Munnaar with my dad and mum last time .
A week passed and one wednesday my teacher said ,Shiv is coming and asked me to come to his home and would have dinner together.
Wednesday arrived and mornign I was a bit tense and unnaturally I stood few minutes before my cupboard and selected my saree and matching blouse , even seemed odd on my part to behave like that.But anyway I consoled this was natural to behave like the way I did for the age group I am in , despite my learning over a broad spectrum of books ranging from Novels,Essays,Philosophy, Religion,spiritualism; but balance is a bit lost if anything personal happening although we are strong when counselling happens to others.Even my father does not attend Surgeories for our relatives.........oh I have forgotten to tell , my father is a General surgeon attached to a big corporate hospital in my city .All the books of various disciplines made me study what I read in my life.My dad is a voracious reader and a writer also although he writes in pseuo name.
When I entered the bank my routine work and administration took my time and my mind never deviated but when the clock showed 5 I became nervous a bit , although I leave around 7 or 8 o' clock my branch, I told my chief manager that I had to go for my personal work and he said ok.
On entering the house I said "good evening sir to my teacher'
Seen already Shiv sitting there and I said ' Hello'
Good eve, madam
Shiv,have you taken coffee or tea
Yes of course, Amma gave me good tea and snacks.
Amma came to the hall and invited me inside to take tea and snacks.
Excuse me sir, I be back in a minute'
I gave the drawings to the master and asked him to show to shiv , master smiled and said 'yes sure '
After the refreshment I came back ,sat before Shiv , shiv was seeing the drawing.
He said ' trees and landscapes'
Meanwhile teacher went inside to talk with Amma for night dinner and arrangements.
Yes trees etc I had drawn When I went to Munnaar
Good it is Mythili .Is it easy to draw trees ?
' yes and no..... because ' I stopped
Why? I dont know drawing Mythili'
'Oh, well trees or anything we look at it three diamentional , we can either go to a place to select a tree or seeing a picture we can draw and some draw out of imagination'
'ok'
'in case we select a tree , the tree has to be balanced'
'balanced?'
yes when you see a tree some branches are going in the right , left, behind, and some coming towards you, because once you select a unbalanced one symmetry would be distorted and the completeness may be a lacuna'
'yes'
'and some branched going upwards and swaying when seen from your angle'
right
'and again the sunlight on tree will be bright on some portion, light on some area and shadow .... likewise shadow below the tree'
My God ,photography seems easy'
'photography is also tough, only professional knows how tough it is'
well May be right'
'So even further deep you want to go you must visit, if you have chance , when spring comes, so you are able to look at the tree like a Doc sees the X-ray'
'Oh you are very deep in it Mythili'
Although I never show emotions out , I could make out I blushed a litte which he noticed and happy about it also.
Teacher came back and preferred to sit in the garden , teacher explained how I came into literature and arts although my father was a surgeon and I being the only daughter of the family.Shiv asked me why I did not take up to medicine, I said I had the independance to select what I was interested and my background of having studied so many books and access to my dad's libraray , may be that made an inclination towards literature .
Shiv said he finished his post graduation in English in Chennai and went to Jawaharlal Nehru University in Delhi to do journalism and went into news paper , and after intial training came into covering arts and pintings for his paper , may be after few more months , he might go to someother assignment in the same News paper.
After dinner he was about to leave he said he was leaving to Mangalore for official duty and would keep in touch.
Chapter 3
Now sitting in this restaurant where we met first time , the circle is to be completed... a tragedy or fate or incompatibility.
Does incompatibility come between husband and wife if both are educated and intelligent? Instead of thinking in a braod way why we start or he starts or I start thinking that this relationship is coming to an end.Now what he would be thinking in his mind....... I am haughty or egoistic or nose in the air type......... what ..what went wrong between us.Certainly money not a problem, I know since I earn enough, he also earning enough besides being a daughter , only daughter who inherits hell a lot of property.... then why?
I remember once we went to Thirupathy by train and stayed there.The environment was clean , fresh air and aloofness.He was clicking his camera outside the temple in various locations, I talked with him and immersed in my books when found time.
But he is not someone who wants to go out since his job involved him to going to places , various places in India.I needed an outing since my routine being bank and home and not of many friends except a few who are of my type , bookish and decent , not talking nonsense.
So whenever holidays come, he was preferring being in home and I did not have a choice although we could have anywhere in the world for the money we had.But never ever went out freely and he never thought it was tiresome for a wife who would always go for work, cook,and talk.
Was it my depression owing to my confinement inside the house which might have made me react that would have harmed him mentally?
First I thought this is so with all the married girls but I knew many couples and my friends who go out to many places and enjoy life if not for enjoyment , at least for relaxation .
What use the money has , if the life is not well lived with minimum things? It is a different story if we are poor and not able to spend since always making both ends meet is a problem.
Then what went wrong ,..... love making .......no I know and he knows.what else would have been the reason that pushed us to this corner of separation.
He discussed with me yesterday that by living together both of us making problem for ourselves, so better to separate, although shocking to me intially , when practically approached ,seemed correct.
Now today the last meeting , so we came out to the same restaurant where we met first time.
I looked the sky through the windows ..... stars, moon and far away meteors .Do they know my mind?
'Mythili, shall we leave?'
ok,
Do you have any hard feelings about our separation .... I think enough time we have given to think over this and now come to the conclusion?
Yes
Nothing is permanent in this world except impermanance.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Secrets of Night / a small story
I was in bed steeping along with my husband and I don't know the time when I felt restless and got up and went to the computer to write to upload my blog a new story and poem.
In a few minutes i fully became engaged with my work and silence all around helped me write feverishly to cope up with my imagination which was like ricocheting bullet following the trajectory .............
There was rustling foot steps and it was my husband opening the door of the bathroom; forgetting myself again I went into my domain of imagination and typing the keyboard of laptop.
What is the fragrance through the air rubbing my nostrils..........oh ..... smell of the toilet soap from the mat used by my maid in the kitchen.............. wafting through my room.
My husband is back in the bed.
hmmmmmmm....
My son's room silent ................. sleeping
He gets up very late.
Now time ?
oh around 5 0' clock.
well, daughter room light has never been switched off all night.
She is very disturbed... that is what i perceive from her conversation for the few days.
Is she happy really .....
I think 'no' is the answer.Ever since she was married I have never seen her comfortable.......some trouble in her activities and a shade of sorrow in her face.
For few days she has been dull.......
Why?
Besides she is in the family way......... eight months.
Normally switches off her bedroom lights by night 10 o' clock night..........but last night not switched off.
She was talking with me yesterday about how people coming to think of ending their life and all........... I thought ,may be she is more intelligent to think in all perspectives, about life and life of others......
Oh God!!!!!!!!!
In a few minutes i fully became engaged with my work and silence all around helped me write feverishly to cope up with my imagination which was like ricocheting bullet following the trajectory .............
There was rustling foot steps and it was my husband opening the door of the bathroom; forgetting myself again I went into my domain of imagination and typing the keyboard of laptop.
What is the fragrance through the air rubbing my nostrils..........oh ..... smell of the toilet soap from the mat used by my maid in the kitchen.............. wafting through my room.
My husband is back in the bed.
hmmmmmmm....
My son's room silent ................. sleeping
He gets up very late.
Now time ?
oh around 5 0' clock.
well, daughter room light has never been switched off all night.
She is very disturbed... that is what i perceive from her conversation for the few days.
Is she happy really .....
I think 'no' is the answer.Ever since she was married I have never seen her comfortable.......some trouble in her activities and a shade of sorrow in her face.
For few days she has been dull.......
Why?
Besides she is in the family way......... eight months.
Normally switches off her bedroom lights by night 10 o' clock night..........but last night not switched off.
She was talking with me yesterday about how people coming to think of ending their life and all........... I thought ,may be she is more intelligent to think in all perspectives, about life and life of others......
Oh God!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Love's remains
There's no love in this mind
There's only the smoke from
the pyre of the mind
That was deserted by the Love.
My fate ever was to gather and burn
The remains of love
Thrown away by many.
I waited for the remains of love.
I burned the remains thrown out to me,
By those who ran to battlefield,
Those who sneaked out to steal money,
Those who took the evening walk,
Not attributing any sanctity to them.
How free I am!
There's only the smoke from
the pyre of the mind
That was deserted by the Love.
My fate ever was to gather and burn
The remains of love
Thrown away by many.
I waited for the remains of love.
I burned the remains thrown out to me,
By those who ran to battlefield,
Those who sneaked out to steal money,
Those who took the evening walk,
Not attributing any sanctity to them.
How free I am!
Friday, October 16, 2009
Clouds
Clouds, tell me
What are your scriptures?
Where do you go
With a fire in your head
Without standing in one place?
What are you trying to tell
As you run on a mission?
Cloud, are you a mirage?
Who taught you
To shower down the dreams?
What you do pull down
Are innards or the blood of bleeding hearts?
Are you alive or dead?
What are your scriptures?
Where do you go
With a fire in your head
Without standing in one place?
What are you trying to tell
As you run on a mission?
Cloud, are you a mirage?
Who taught you
To shower down the dreams?
What you do pull down
Are innards or the blood of bleeding hearts?
Are you alive or dead?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)