Sunday, February 14, 2010

Shadow / A small story

She could barely see and if at all as if looking though mist what is happening around her.She has not come out of the influence of the Anesthesia given to her for a Caesarian delivery of her baby and her mother said she delivered a boy child though premature.She was assured by her mother that baby would be aright, Doctors said so and everything was taken care of.
She goes back to the anesthetic influence like a trance , she walks with him , her lover , in the narrow path of the garden as if made for the lovers hand in hand trampling the flowers strewn around by the trees on the both sides of the path.Quite a dreamy atmosphere walking with one , who she liked and loved and his fingers gripping her fingers and she felt secure in his fingers , as her future would be safe with him . He was tall,intelligent,smiling fit to the profession doing his Post graduation in Pediatrics.
Even feeling again the ecstasy of being together , again the same tender fingers touching the hitherto untouched fantasies of a flower , so tender it is for the fingers and for me and him, no reservations in anything and nothing seemed wrong to us once two hearts join together.Our minds mingled in every thing we talked , although many say body is different from mind ,our conception of the minds together is in no way see the bodies separately.I know although some say when physical intimacy and merging of two bodies is inclusive of the minds .Physical intimacy not necessarily means the minds merge into one and when minds merge, merging of the bodies is not something to feel separately.
Before realization comes to men and women everything already happened in life , immutable are the events of life.Am I right or wrong?
For some life is a neat line of events-marriage, children, for some love,marriage, children but why for some, or so many life is love,separation ,agony, marriage the children.why nothing is certain in this world? May be uncertainty is the thing of the world. If everything goes as per our planning then we become Gods eh ?.Now it is so beautiful that no body can be certain of anything and this uncertainly makes us manacled in delusion.Or I blabber out of my incoherent drug effects of sedatives.
It is as if many sophistications of lover's art had lost their charms after marriage and simply after marriage is possessing and being possessed.She has understood , she has changed.

Now he must be using fingers professionally when those fingers were only mine then; even my fingers were also his .
Now when opened her eyes slowly with the post operative tiredness and anesthetic state, she could see her babe in the next room in an incubator and she could see the babe , her mother said a boy,through the glass separation .
Her mother is happy to look at , the exuberance shows she is a proud grand mother and she is smiling down at her daughter.
'How is the boy?'
'Doctors say fine , one young doc taking care of the baby "
'Oh , did you talk to the doc?'
'No, he smiled and I feel confident he is a good doc'
After drinking a glass of some hot drink, she slipped back into sleep .Her lover's fingers are soft and sweet to feel the memory even now. How wonderful those days , meeting , walking , the feeling of elation.Like all lovers we moved our fingers on each other showing our affection . His fingers touching my chin, nose and my lips.....hmm what a feeling it was !! The college campus was full of students in their white coats,some just carrying as if walking a kid, some putting folded on one side of the shoulder , some carrying cleanly folded and hung either left or right hand.
When she came back to consciousness she could see a Doctor attending her babe through the glass separation , baby in the incubator.Nurse said ' He is a good neonatalogist , very good doc"
She could see the back of the doctor attending the baby,but fingers of the doctor even from the distance a bit familiar, her feelings?......... or really so.
Mother was standing before the Doc , just watching as an observer.She came back and said 'Doctor says baby can be taken home in a few days"
Two days passed , and she could move around and went to see the boy in the incubator. While looking down the face, fingers,and the eyes, she was thrilled as a mother and some feeling inexplicable happening inside her .Oh this is called the love of mother , she thought.
Rustling of soft sponge shoes and Nurses made her to stand aside Doctor came with juniors and trainees.One trainee carrying the clinical report and showing the Doc and he was seeing all the parameters recorded in the report. Form behind my mother , I was watching closely .Doctor was seeing the babe touching with his fingers and talked to the juniors. Without turning around to see us he asked 'Who is the mother of this babe?'
I went to the front from behind my mother and he turned around to see me face to face.......
Oh My God!!!! this is him , my former lover, now neonatalogist .A flash came to his face which I have seen thousand times, now I standing dazed. He maintained his composure and said 'Baby is alright you can take him home tomorrow and a Paediatrician's name will be given to you , You can have your consultation with him for your baby. ok.' He passed quickly with his fellow juniors.
When I went back in the memory lane , how circumstances made around me got me married to another one and now in hospital for delivery.
My mother said 'What a good Doctor, how careful he was while taking care of the baby'
Yes' I said.My mother stood perplexed looking at my face.
Is my son resembling him in any way , face, fingers,.......... or my sedatives play a haphazard role in my thinking pattern.
Does mind instigate genetic mutation or simple genetics is purely a medical science?
Genetics is a proof of Medical Science but mind..............?

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